How – and Why – I Met My Husband

 

Meeting the love of your life – first, second, third or more – is  a  memorable and important day for most of us.  I look back on the day I met my husband and feel two things most of all – grateful and lucky. Because what I believe about the love of your life is this – it’s all about timing.

I am convinced that, especially for men, the most important thing about making a commitment to someone is not how great the sex is (though that’s really important), or how well-suited  to each other he and a woman may be (though that matters too), or how madly in love he is (though love means a lot).

What matters most of all is timing.

It’s my theory that one morning, a man rolls over, and whoever is lying next to him in bed, that’s who he chooses to marry. It’s not so much that he’s  found the right woman, it’s that she’s there at the right moment.

 That’s not to say men don’t give this decision a lot of thought, and it doesn’t mean that just anyone could come along and fill the spot. It  means that when men decide they are done with being single and they’re ready to commit, they get married.  For women, I don’t think it’s that clear-cut. I think most women (not all) go into relationships optimistic that they will amount to…something. I think men take a lot longer to feel that way…

Until one day they do.

first date, meeting the love of your life, finding love, beshert, getting married, dating, midlife, empty-nest, baby boomer
My husband and me, 2 weeks after we met, 1987.

I don’t mean to sound unromantic or cynical. There have been millions of great romances that never resulted in marriage. I was in love a few times before I met my husband – I was even married once before. “Relationship” was my middle name.

Sadly, most romances don’t last. Maybe due to youth, or geography, or religious differences. Maybe you wanted to commit, but he didn’t. Maybe he cheated on you and that was the end of that, or vice-versa. The point is, those relationships didn’t end in marriage – they just ended. And that’s ok…now. But back then, maybe your heart was broken – or maybe his was. And maybe a year or two or five later, when someone asked you about a person who was a big part of your life (a heartbreaker), you answered like this:

“It was just bad timing.”

In Hebrew and Yiddish, there’s a word – beshert. It means your pre-destined soulmate. The one you should be with forever. I’m not too sure this exists – but it sounds lovely.

When I met my husband (who has doubts about my theory), I was 25,  just four months out of my brief first marriage, and I didn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship. But he was ready.  Just 4 months after we met, he bought a condo and moved out of the house on the beach that he had rented with friends for years. He gave up watching girls in thong bikinis roller-blading by every weekend for pride of home-ownership. If ever there was someone ready to commit, it was him.

And then he got a dog.

And then I moved in. Because with his 14 hour workdays and graduate school 2 nights a week, who the heck was going to take care of the dog?

Yep, he was ready. And I didn’t want to lose him, so I was ready, too.

And yes, when he proposed, we were in bed – well, I was. But that’s another story.

It’s been 25 years since the day we met – November 14, 1987 – and I was lucky. He was lucky too. We still are. And now, after being with him for 25 years, married for 23, I can say it was “beshert.”

And really good timing.

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Comments

  1. says

    You’re so right about timing, Sharon. I think it also has to do with being ready to let love into your life, and being ready to do the work needed to keep it there.

    And funny you’d mention “bashert”–Mitch calls me that all the time! :)

    Karen
    Karen recently posted..Watch this spaceMy Profile

  2. says

    I actually took a class in college that taught the same truth – there is more than one “soulmate” for people – it’s just a matter of when 2 people are ready at the same time…and the other factors weigh in too. Sounds like you were both ready at the same time for the right person – many, many years and counting.
    Barb recently posted..How I met my children’s fatherMy Profile

  3. says

    I think that’s an interesting perspective and I tend to agree. It makes me wonder though about marriages that don’t last – maybe people who are going through a rocky time and thinking about separation or divorce just need to wait a few years to see how things evolve…unless, course, there are big issues like infidelity or abuse…but if the issue is – a couple isn’t getting along RIGHT NOW, maybe time, maturity and perhaps counseling can give them the perspective they need to get along in a year or two. So there’s the issue of timing during marriage, as well. I hope that makes sense.
    Pam Houghton recently posted..‘Tis the time to be thankfulMy Profile

  4. says

    Sharon, I completely agree with you that timing is everything. My own story is proof of it. But right woman or right moment? I have to think about this theory—I’m inclined to side with your husband on this one—although I suspect that if I take some time to pull apart your meaning and stitch your sentence back together again, I’ll have an epiphany. Thanks for yet another post that goes deep and requires the same of its reader!
    Marci Rich recently posted..‘Thank You for Shopping at the Man Store’My Profile

  5. says

    Timing. Yes! So critical.

    But I also never believed in “the one.” Even as girl, I didn’t buy into it. For that matter, I never expected to marry. When I finally did, I was on the rebound… less from a long-term relationship, and more following the passing of the two people I loved most in the world.

    Yes, timing…
    BigLittleWolf recently posted..How I Met… the Men of My DreamsMy Profile

  6. says

    I agree on the timing issue. I also agree with BigLittleWolf – even though I met my husband and we’ve been together for almost twenty-five years, I don’t think there is just “one” person out there for me, though I will say there probably aren’t many if we are talking great matches. I don’t think most people realize how hard marriage actually is going to be when they get into it. I know I didn’t. Luckily, we’ve been able to work through it. And we are both committed to our relationship. It takes work, that’s for sure. And great sex helps, I’m not gonna lie. ;)
    Amanda Fox recently posted..It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go RightMy Profile

  7. says

    you’re correct, it’s the right person, at the right time… and that works well when down the road, you find yourself living in two different states, out of necessity, but, because the two of you belong together, the space makes no difference… life is still good – i can attest to that!

    nice story, sharon…
    danneromero recently posted..the kid knowsMy Profile

  8. says

    Have always adored the word “beshert”. Also believe timing is crucial; although after two marriages and so many relationships, I’ve given up trying to figure out any hard and fast truths; I don’t think there are any!
    Darryle recently posted..Mel Brooks makes a matchMy Profile

  9. says

    I went though a time where I would say, “We break up and then he marries his next girlfriend. I guess I am training them.” Ugh. More like he was ready to get married and I didn’t recognize it. Cheers to you! :)

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