How – and Why – I Met My Husband

 

Meeting the love of your life – first, second, third or more – is  a  memorable and important day for most of us.  I look back on the day I met my husband and feel two things most of all – grateful and lucky. Because what I believe about the love of your life is this – it’s all about timing.

I am convinced that, especially for men, the most important thing about making a commitment to someone is not how great the sex is (though that’s really important), or how well-suited  to each other he and a woman may be (though that matters too), or how madly in love he is (though love means a lot).

What matters most of all is timing.

It’s my theory that one morning, a man rolls over, and whoever is lying next to him in bed, that’s who he chooses to marry. It’s not so much that he’s  found the right woman, it’s that she’s there at the right moment.

 That’s not to say men don’t give this decision a lot of thought, and it doesn’t mean that just anyone could come along and fill the spot. It  means that when men decide they are done with being single and they’re ready to commit, they get married.  For women, I don’t think it’s that clear-cut. I think most women (not all) go into relationships optimistic that they will amount to…something. I think men take a lot longer to feel that way…

Until one day they do.

first date, meeting the love of your life, finding love, beshert, getting married, dating, midlife, empty-nest, baby boomer

My husband and me, 2 weeks after we met, 1987.

I don’t mean to sound unromantic or cynical. There have been millions of great romances that never resulted in marriage. I was in love a few times before I met my husband – I was even married once before. “Relationship” was my middle name.

Sadly, most romances don’t last. Maybe due to youth, or geography, or religious differences. Maybe you wanted to commit, but he didn’t. Maybe he cheated on you and that was the end of that, or vice-versa. The point is, those relationships didn’t end in marriage – they just ended. And that’s ok…now. But back then, maybe your heart was broken – or maybe his was. And maybe a year or two or five later, when someone asked you about a person who was a big part of your life (a heartbreaker), you answered like this:

“It was just bad timing.”

In Hebrew and Yiddish, there’s a word – beshert. It means your pre-destined soulmate. The one you should be with forever. I’m not too sure this exists – but it sounds lovely.

When I met my husband (who has doubts about my theory), I was 25,  just four months out of my brief first marriage, and I didn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship. But he was ready.  Just 4 months after we met, he bought a condo and moved out of the house on the beach that he had rented with friends for years. He gave up watching girls in thong bikinis roller-blading by every weekend for pride of home-ownership. If ever there was someone ready to commit, it was him.

And then he got a dog.

And then I moved in. Because with his 14 hour workdays and graduate school 2 nights a week, who the heck was going to take care of the dog?

Yep, he was ready. And I didn’t want to lose him, so I was ready, too.

And yes, when he proposed, we were in bed – well, I was. But that’s another story.

It’s been 25 years since the day we met – November 14, 1987 – and I was lucky. He was lucky too. We still are. And now, after being with him for 25 years, married for 23, I can say it was “beshert.”

And really good timing.

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52 Responses to How – and Why – I Met My Husband
  1. Karen
    December 3, 2012 | 7:53 am

    You’re so right about timing, Sharon. I think it also has to do with being ready to let love into your life, and being ready to do the work needed to keep it there.

    And funny you’d mention “bashert”–Mitch calls me that all the time! :)

    Karen
    Karen recently posted..Watch this spaceMy Profile

  2. Soul Mates and Angels « Connie McLeod
    December 3, 2012 | 8:01 am

    [...] This is part of blog hop. Our subject was “How I met my significant other”. Check out the others at This is part of blog hop. Check out the others: http://www.emptyhousefullmind.com/how-and-why-i-met-my-husband/ [...]

  3. Barb
    December 3, 2012 | 8:05 am

    I actually took a class in college that taught the same truth – there is more than one “soulmate” for people – it’s just a matter of when 2 people are ready at the same time…and the other factors weigh in too. Sounds like you were both ready at the same time for the right person – many, many years and counting.
    Barb recently posted..How I met my children’s fatherMy Profile

  4. [...] How—and Why—I Met My Husband  (EmptyHouseFullMind.com) [...]

  5. [...] reminiscing about how we met our significant other. Read my fellow bloggers’ stories here, and feel free to share your own stories with [...]

  6. Connie McLeod
    December 3, 2012 | 8:12 am

    I LOVE the Blog Hop!
    Connie McLeod recently posted..Life is Like a SongMy Profile

  7. [...] was to write and link on the subject of how we met our husband/spouse or significant other. Click here to read [...]

  8. Pam Houghton
    December 3, 2012 | 8:17 am

    I think that’s an interesting perspective and I tend to agree. It makes me wonder though about marriages that don’t last – maybe people who are going through a rocky time and thinking about separation or divorce just need to wait a few years to see how things evolve…unless, course, there are big issues like infidelity or abuse…but if the issue is – a couple isn’t getting along RIGHT NOW, maybe time, maturity and perhaps counseling can give them the perspective they need to get along in a year or two. So there’s the issue of timing during marriage, as well. I hope that makes sense.
    Pam Houghton recently posted..‘Tis the time to be thankfulMy Profile

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 3, 2012 | 8:32 am

      It completely makes sense, and I have been through those questionable times too. Marriage is never 50/50 – that’s one mistake unhappy couples make, I think.

      • Pam Houghton
        December 3, 2012 | 9:03 am

        There’s such a huge cost to divorce – financial and emotional – and it affects so many parties – it’s worth it for struggling couples to investigate this option.
        Pam Houghton recently posted..‘Tis the time to be thankfulMy Profile

  9. Marci Rich
    December 3, 2012 | 8:20 am

    Sharon, I completely agree with you that timing is everything. My own story is proof of it. But right woman or right moment? I have to think about this theory—I’m inclined to side with your husband on this one—although I suspect that if I take some time to pull apart your meaning and stitch your sentence back together again, I’ll have an epiphany. Thanks for yet another post that goes deep and requires the same of its reader!
    Marci Rich recently posted..‘Thank You for Shopping at the Man Store’My Profile

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 3, 2012 | 8:33 am

      I know, many disagree with me – but I do think men must be completely ready, much more so than women, to make that leap.

  10. Lori Lavender Luz
    December 3, 2012 | 8:34 am

    I have always thought that Timing was the third entity in any relationship.

    Thanks for sharing your story about you and your beshert!
    Lori Lavender Luz recently posted..Time Warp Tuesday: BooksMy Profile

  11. Ginger Kay
    December 3, 2012 | 8:38 am

    My husband would agree with you about timing being everything for a man. I like to think that the right girl (me) influenced the realization that the timing was Now!
    Ginger Kay recently posted..Do you believe in Santa Claus?My Profile

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 3, 2012 | 8:56 am

      That’s exactly my point. You were the right girl just when he was ready.

  12. Susan in the Boonies
    December 3, 2012 | 9:06 am

    Couldn’t agree more: timing is EVERYTHING.
    I’ve said it for years.
    Where we each were in our respective lives emotionally had a lot to do with “finding” each other.
    Susan in the Boonies recently posted..How I Met My HusbandMy Profile

  13. Melissa Lawler
    December 3, 2012 | 9:10 am

    I believe in beshert!
    Melissa Lawler recently posted..The Ladies of CBS’ The Talk are BulliesMy Profile

  14. How I Met… the Men of My Dreams
    December 3, 2012 | 9:24 am

    [...] met our spouses or significant others. For additional marvelous musings from wise and witty women, pop by here to read and access more. Or, scroll to the bottom of the page for a full [...]

  15. [...] post is part of a blog hop for Generation Fabulous, an amazing group of mid-life women. Please read how the other wise women of Gen Fab met their significant others. Please share how you met yours in the comment section below. You might also like: My First Crush [...]

  16. Helene Bludman
    December 3, 2012 | 9:28 am

    Timing and beshert are the themes of my post, too. It has to be the right person but also the right time, as you say. I’m glad the stars aligned for you and Peter. You make a lovely couple!
    Helene Bludman recently posted..How I Met My HusbandMy Profile

  17. Chloe
    December 3, 2012 | 10:45 am

    I agree with you. I do believe that for men, timing is almost everything. That’s why there are all those stories of guys being with some poor girl (who desperately wants to get married) for years and after they break-up he suddenly gets married to someone else.

    I don’t think this makes it unromantic, but women ought to take a clue and not waste too much time with a guy who isn’t ready.
    Chloe recently posted..Nut up* or Shut upMy Profile

  18. Joy Weese Moll (@joyweesemoll)
    December 3, 2012 | 11:23 am

    Your timing worked out much the same as mine — four months out of a failed marriage and not at all looking for a new serious relationship. And yet, there it was.
    Joy Weese Moll (@joyweesemoll) recently posted..How We Met — a GenFab postMy Profile

  19. BigLittleWolf
    December 3, 2012 | 11:35 am

    Timing. Yes! So critical.

    But I also never believed in “the one.” Even as girl, I didn’t buy into it. For that matter, I never expected to marry. When I finally did, I was on the rebound… less from a long-term relationship, and more following the passing of the two people I loved most in the world.

    Yes, timing…
    BigLittleWolf recently posted..How I Met… the Men of My DreamsMy Profile

  20. [...] How—and Why—I Met My Husband – Empty House Full Mind [...]

  21. Haralee
    December 3, 2012 | 12:50 pm

    I love your post.
    I have to agree with the majority and timing is very important. Both parties need to be ready for a commitment they choose.
    Haralee recently posted..WelcomeMy Profile

  22. Amanda Fox
    December 3, 2012 | 1:02 pm

    I agree on the timing issue. I also agree with BigLittleWolf – even though I met my husband and we’ve been together for almost twenty-five years, I don’t think there is just “one” person out there for me, though I will say there probably aren’t many if we are talking great matches. I don’t think most people realize how hard marriage actually is going to be when they get into it. I know I didn’t. Luckily, we’ve been able to work through it. And we are both committed to our relationship. It takes work, that’s for sure. And great sex helps, I’m not gonna lie. ;)
    Amanda Fox recently posted..It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go RightMy Profile

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 3, 2012 | 2:34 pm

      No, there is no one person. That’s why the timing thing is so important. Especially for men.

  23. Mary Anne
    December 3, 2012 | 2:25 pm

    Whoa timing is EVERYTHING!
    Mary Anne recently posted..Blind Date = My FateMy Profile

  24. Karen Williams Taylor
    December 3, 2012 | 2:26 pm

    I do agree timing is important, but not sure I agree that it is THE most important to a man. Good post.
    Karen Williams Taylor recently posted..My True Love StoryMy Profile

  25. [...] How—and Why—I Met My Husband – Empty House Full Mind [...]

  26. Bonnie
    December 3, 2012 | 3:08 pm

    I agree with your timing theory. But for me I think the timing was more on my part. The year I started dating my husband I had decided the next person I got into a serious relationship with was going to be someone who would put me on that pedestal. Before him I was the one putting them on the pedestal.
    Voila. Paradigm shift!
    Bonnie recently posted..Bald Men Have the Prettiest Wives – or How I Met My Better HalfMy Profile

  27. Lois Alter Mark
    December 3, 2012 | 3:24 pm

    Beshert is one of my favorite words — and ideas — and I’m so happy you found yours. I totally believe in timing for pretty much everything in life! (So happy to have found you and the GenFab ladies at exactly this time in my life!)
    Lois Alter Mark recently posted..Gift Idea for the Holidays: Sacred EmbersMy Profile

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 3, 2012 | 6:55 pm

      So glad we’ve connected, Lois – you are a definite plus to #GenFab!

  28. Carpool Goddess
    December 3, 2012 | 4:00 pm

    I totally agree! It’s all about the timing. When the man is ready – that’s it. Loved your photos :)

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 3, 2012 | 6:54 pm

      It’s impossible to imagine a guy committing who doesn’t feel ready, isn’t it?

  29. Lib Aubuchon
    December 3, 2012 | 4:26 pm

    Love. Just plain love this. Thanks for sharing!
    Lib Aubuchon recently posted..Uh Oh, You Guys. I Think We Just Watched the End of Lindsay Lohan’s CareerMy Profile

  30. danneromero
    December 3, 2012 | 5:16 pm

    you’re correct, it’s the right person, at the right time… and that works well when down the road, you find yourself living in two different states, out of necessity, but, because the two of you belong together, the space makes no difference… life is still good – i can attest to that!

    nice story, sharon…
    danneromero recently posted..the kid knowsMy Profile

  31. Janie Emaus
    December 3, 2012 | 5:41 pm

    I agree. Timing is everything.

  32. Jackie
    December 3, 2012 | 5:47 pm

    I think you’re onto something. I think most people sidle and slide into this lifelong commitment; only a few actually “fall”. The end result is the same, though.
    Jackie recently posted..How I Met My Husband: GenFab Blog HopMy Profile

  33. Walker Thornton
    December 3, 2012 | 6:42 pm

    Timing! What a fun story.. and great picture.
    Walker Thornton recently posted..Day 28 Awaken, Embrace, Ignite- Sexual Desire, Happiness, Marital LongevityMy Profile

  34. Darryle
    December 3, 2012 | 6:59 pm

    Have always adored the word “beshert”. Also believe timing is crucial; although after two marriages and so many relationships, I’ve given up trying to figure out any hard and fast truths; I don’t think there are any!
    Darryle recently posted..Mel Brooks makes a matchMy Profile

  35. Julie Danis
    December 4, 2012 | 10:32 am

    I’ve always thought that men wake up one day in their 30s and ask the first women who steps out of the cab they are about to step into to marry them. Your “roll over in bed” scenario sounds more true!
    Julie Danis recently posted..Rites of Passage: Mid-Life MarriageMy Profile

  36. Anne (@notasupermom)
    December 13, 2012 | 4:08 pm

    I don’t believe in one soulmate (I think that would be a pretty cruel thing, actually), and I’m not sure about timing, but I do know this was a sweet story.
    It makes me happy to see couples like you and Peter still together and happy.
    Anne (@notasupermom) recently posted..California Wine Club GiveawayMy Profile

  37. Sarah Chesko
    December 21, 2012 | 10:46 pm

    I went though a time where I would say, “We break up and then he marries his next girlfriend. I guess I am training them.” Ugh. More like he was ready to get married and I didn’t recognize it. Cheers to you! :)

    • Sharon Greenthal
      December 22, 2012 | 7:22 pm

      Yes, I guess you were training them…or there was no one who could ever be as good as you were!

  38. How I Met My Husband « books is wonderful
    February 3, 2013 | 12:59 pm

    [...] Want to read how other women met their significant others? Take a look at the posts my GenFab blogger friends contributed to this blogroll here. [...]

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