It’s simple. Bullies must be stopped. Children must be taught from very early on that to treat others with the intent to be cruel, malicious and just plain mean is unacceptable.
The school shooting in Ohio was once again a case where the shooter was bullied by others. ”An outcast,” one of his schoolmates said. Angry, frustrated, and visibly sharing those feelings on his Facebook page with handwritten signs and photos, he walked up to a table filled with other boys and just…shot them. As of this writing, one is dead and four others are in the hospital, seriously injured. Exponentially there are dozens of family members affected, a school in crisis, and a small town wondering, as many have wondered before, “how could this happen here?” My heart broke as I heard the call to 911 “There’s been a shooting at the high school.” No name needed, just the high school. That’s how small the town is where this shooting took place.
We must, must, must teach our children not to bully others. There is nothing more demoralizing, heart wrenching and wrong as the bullying of children by other children. I’m no Pollyanna – I know there are bad things that happen all the time, and growing up is filled with big and little injuries, both physical and mental, that help us to be stronger, more self-reliant and resourceful adults. Take a survey of your friends, your co-workers, and surely every one of them will have some horrid memory of being bullied at some time or another as a child. No, what I’m talking about is the daily, incessant, cruel abuse of those who are truly on the fringes – and you know who I mean. The fat girl, the zitty boy, the brainy but awkward ones, the gay boys and girls who are struggling to find a way to be themselves, the “different” kids who don’t blend in, can’t find their place. How painful it must be for them, and how unnecessary it is for their more run-of-the-mill classmates to turn on them, hurling insults and taunting them for sport.
It’s often said that children learn to bully from what they see in their homes, but I don’t think that’s always true. Some get caught up with their group of friends, some are born mean, and some are simply ignorant. But whatever the reason, parents have a responsibility to teach their children how to treat others, and to stop them if they see them behaving in a way that they feel is inappropriate, but we can’t be around all the time, can we. I imagine that many parents of bullies don’t even realize what their children are doing. I often told my kids, especially when they were in high school and Columbine was a story they knew well, “be nice to everyone. You never know what’s going on with people.” Not that they had to befriend every classmate who was different – just don’t be mean. Please, I would say, don’t be mean.
So, simply put, teach your children to be kind, teach them to be careful, and teach them to understand that we are all unique…some more than others.
Bullies require an audience. You are insightful to say that you don’t think it all starts in the home. The roles are disseminated in home, church, school, etc… whether a child becomes a bully, or the bait, or the audience the components have to come together for bullying to take place.
Good post… important topic!
k~ recently posted..Some Imagination
I was bullied when I was small, then I grew and grew into a bully myself, and then I recovered when revenge wasn’t as sweet as I had imagined.
No, it never is, is it? How great that you were able to recognize the futility of it all. Thank you for reading.
I’m very passionate about this subject. Bullying is a terrible, terrible thing and can be dangerous.
If we would all treat one another the way we would like to be treated, this world would be a much better place.
Linda recently posted..#36 Writer’s Choice: "Can’t Stop Time…"
I too feel a very strong passion about preventing and keeping bullying out of our schools and our children’s lives. It made me crazy when my kid’s were growing up!
I have known a few bullies in my time and none of them have happy lives. The high school bully (and grade school) is not necessarily unhappy though. I think they are often just insecure and find bullying makes them ‘popular’. Many kids are afraid of a bully and befriending them is safer and easier so the bully feels loved, even though they are actually feared. It’s a very sad situation for the followers as well as the bully’s targets.
I agree the training starts at home and I also think (in mho) it ends there. Parents who are not involved in their kids lives have no idea and that is problem number one.
Bully’s are either bullied at home or they learn it from being ignored at home. I truly feel it always comes from home.
Great and timely post.
Jo recently posted..Simplicity & Gratitude
A tough theme well written
Thanks, and thanks for reading.
that’d be so great… but, without the parents help at home, it’s not going to happen… too many parents are bullies themselves, who raise bullies… i have students that hit others, when i ask why? they say their parent told them to hit back when someone hits them… i explain otherwise… at school they get one advice, at home another.. and the tough ones just bully anyway….
danneromero recently posted..simplicity
Unfortunately, I believe you’re right. All we can do as parents is try to do the best job we can with our kids – and hope that they are comfortable enough to tell us when things are difficult in their lives.
And the tough ones grow up to be adult bullies far too often.
Strong post.. I believe this behavior starts in the home, children watch their parents for queues on acceptable behavior. As corny as it sounds, it starts with giving love and reward in kindness. I remind myself to thank my children. Appreciate them – it goes a long way.
Brenda recently posted..If Only Life Was Simple
I agree, parents are the first line of defense. And thanking our children makes them feel valued and respected, just as we hope they would act towards others.
It’s hard to get a handle ont todays bullying, with the Internet and cell phones, etc, it’s crazy. All I can do is teach my children how to act toward others and pray.
Excellent, important post, Sharon. Children need to be guided from the time they are very young to have self-respect and respect for others. Teaching them to listen to and honor the voice within heads off all sorts of unkindness because even for the very young, it feels wrong. Those who have the privilege of raising children have a responsibility to nurture and encourage kids’ inherent kindness.
Beth recently posted..GBE 2: Blog On — Week #42: “Confrontation”
Sharon, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award. You can pick up the badge at my blog:
elainelk-tealeaves.blogspot.com
Thank you so much Elaine!