Searching for my worst fashion moment in my bottomless pile of photos, I knew exactly which years to look through. For me, there was no time like the 80’s for bad style. It could be argued that the 70’s were worse, what with disco, polyester, blue eye shadow and more, but since I was in high school in the late 70’s I could get away with just about anything, as could most girls at the age of 17.
The 80’s, though, were just one long stretch of ugly stuff. And not just for me. I bet you looked pretty bad back then, too. In fact, I dare you to go dig out a picture of yourself from the late 80’s and tell me you looked good, because I’m guessing you didn’t. No offense.
Go ahead, I’ll wait.
In retrospect, this mortifying photo of me is not as bad is it could be, because look at that smile. That was a very happy time in my life. It was the spring of 1989, and I was engaged, preparing for my wedding…
Did you find your picture? See, I told you so.
So back to me and my fashion sense. Can you believe that hair? A permed mullet – it doesn’t get much worse, does it?
Nope. It doesn’t.
What about the rest of it? Pretty awful too. See those acid-washed jeans? They probably buttoned somewhere up around my belly button, and made my butt look like it was 3 feet long. That crew neck t-shirt doesn’t do me any favors – can you say matronly? No doubt I had acrylic nails that were very long and very red. And what’s with all the pearls? Who did I think I was, Barbara Bush?
How about the horizontal striped sweater? That’s a no-no in any decade.
NO HORIZONTAL STRIPES! EVER!
But do you see how happy I look?
I know, I know, it doesn’t matter. I still look like a “before” on “What Not to Wear.”
That was the last perm I ever had. For good reason.
I looked a lot better at my wedding. Although, we should probably talk about those poofy sleeves…